Luke Waltons Forehead presented by the Sports Dude.

Friday, September 30, 2005 at 10:38 AM

Weekend Warrior - Paul Bunyan Trophy Edition.

Look, the sports dude is taking it easy this week, I am only going to look at three games – U of M at MSU, USC at Arizona State and then our lovable losers, the Lions in Tampa. So, shall we?

Well, it is finally upon us, the game that we have all been waiting for, the battle for the Paul Bunyan Trophy. That is right folks, rivalry week is almost done and tomorrow the kick off will take place a little after noon in East Lansing and will decide who gets to beat their chests for an entire year with bragging rights. If you go to my buddy “The Sports Pigs” site you will see we have a friendly little wager on this game, sort of to spice things up a little in the world of sports blogs. He, being the Spartan fan, if U of M wins must display the infamous “Block M” for the remainder of the season, where as I would display the infamous “Sparty S”. Oh, and by the way, it isn’t just for one week; it is for the remainder of the college football season. I know, I know, not really exciting and earth shattering, but we are separated by a few hundred miles here people, what do you expect? Anyway, silly sport blogger games aside, let me talk about this game.

Look, U of M has not been under .500 since sometime in the 1960’s, I mean we are talking pre Bo era here! In fact, not only pre Bo, but my mom and dad had not even met yet for Christ sakes! Seriously, we are talking about history in the making here people, a U of M team in a down time. I still don’t know what to think, to say, to feel – damn, I keep expecting the sky to fall or something! Well, it very well could happen, and here is my take on the game.

If it were me, if I was Lloyd Carr, I would do whatever it takes to get Mike Hart in the game. Take that hamstring of his, apply herbal medicines, get a witch doctor, use bubble gum, duct tape, whatever! I don’t care if this is the only game he plays for the remainder of the year he needs to be in there for the Wolverines to have any chance. I don’t want to hear anything about “Braylon this or Braylon that”, that offense misses Hart more than anything, bad pun and all, he is the “Hart” of that offensive unit. If he is even at 80 to 90 percent I like the Wolverines chances a little more, but not by much. As far as the Spartans are concerned, just keep doing what you are doing, don’t choke and let her rip; trust me, good things will happen!

As far as my prediction goes, I only see one of two possible scenarios that is it: either MSU wins by 13 to 17 points or U of M wins a close, tight game. Sorry Sparty, no offense, but if U of M can somehow keep it close until the fourth quarter you will choke, the ghost of Wolverine past will crawl in your head and rattle you, causing you to do your usual turtle job. Plus, the clock operators are Big Ten officials now so you won’t have “Spartan Bob” on your side (for the record, no we will never forget!!!! Can you say 3-2-1-1-1-1!!!!) to give you a little extra time. That being said, I still have to be honest with myself and that is why here you also will see history because my Wolverines are actually included in that world famous, laugh out loud feature known as the:


U of M at MSU for the Paul Bunyan Trophy

Well, here you have it folks, history in the making three times over – the Wolverines are featured in my pathetic game of the week, they are the underdogs against the Spartans and yes, they are about to be under .500 for the first time since before I was even a sperm! Henne looks better, Hart does provide some spark and hope for the rest of the season, but is still not enough to win the game and keep the “Sparty S” off the sports dude site. DAMN IT ALL TO HELL, DON’T YOU ALL UNDERSTAND THIS IS CLEARLY A SIGN THAT ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!! Okay, I feel better now:

Spartans 41, Wolverines 27

USC at Arizona State

I am only mentioning this game because I think it is finally the week USC loses a damn game, freaking Trojans!

ASU 37, USC 34


Lions at the Bucs

Do I really even need to talk about how ugly this game is going to be? Let’s put it this way, Garcia goes out there in his immobilizer boot and still looks better than Harrington! Okay, that may be a little harsh, but it is not far from the truth and I believe we will see Orlovsky by the fourth quarter.

Bucs 27, Detroit 9 (thank goodness for Jason Hanson, our best offensive weapon!)

Well, that is all I have for today, I am off to find a nice hole to crawl into because I am sure the sky is going to fall this weekend. Later – the “sparty”, I mean sports, dude.

Monday, September 26, 2005 at 9:33 AM

Monday Morning QB - shell shocked version.

Well, I really don't have words for what I am feeling or thinking to tell you the truth. I live for U of M football, I look forward to the season starting more than anything in the entire sports world and here we sit only four games in and it is already over. Yes, I know, many people feel Wolverine fans are arrogant and they are all laughing today, but for us that eat, sleep and breathe Maize and Blue it is different. I keep playing the same play over and over in my head and I am still trying to figure it out. Late in the game, Max Martin fumbles and two of the Wolverines big old offensive lineman lock arms on the ball. Miraculously Wisconsin somehow comes away from the "scrum" with the ball and a gift wrapped fifteen yard penalty from something that happened in said "scrum". How the hell are you going to call that? Then, Calhoun later goes airborne, his left knee clearly touches the sideline before the ball hits the pylon and they give him a TD anyway. That whole series right there will live on in my mind for the remainder of the season. Four games and my college football year is all but over. I am sickened, I am saddened and quite frankly I am pissed.

I know, I know, you all think I am just being the typical "Wolverine Baby", but I was watching the game with multiple people who could give two shits about football and they all said the same thing - "His knee touched the line before the ball hit the pylon". Granted Wisconsin most likely would have scored eventually, but it is the principle of the whole thing. Plus, like I said, how the hell are you going to call unsportsmanlike conduct for what happens in the "scrum"? In all my years of football I HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT PENALTY CALLED IN MY LIFE!!!! It is a fight for the ball, those "scrums" are known for spitting, grabbing, clawing, eye poking, etc... And you call it on the Wolverines when replays show they clearly had the ball first? Come on!!!! But what's done is done and clearly, for me, the football season is over.

On a happier note the Spartans continue to look impressive. I know, shocking for me to say that, but I have said it before and I will say it again, I would love for MSU and U of M to be 11-0 and 10-1 each year, as long as the Spartans one loss there was against the Wolverines. I have a bet with the sports pig, a Spartan, this year and it looks like I will be displaying some green here next week. The first time since 1998 that the Maize and Blue have been unranked, I still am speechless.

Well, that is all I got for now, I have to put this bag back over my head before people notice it is gone. Not really ready to talk yet too much, my season is already over before it started. Later - the sad and speechless sports dude.

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