Luke Waltons Forehead presented by the Sports Dude.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004 at 8:40 AM

"Dear Santa" from the sports dude.

Dear Santa -

We here in Detroit don't have a lot of luck with our sports teams most years, so maybe this year you could help us out a little. Here are a few items that I would like to see under my Christmas tree this year as a die hard Detroit sports fan who always feels left out in the cold.

The Tigers - come on Santa, work a little magic here! Can you please give our guys a quality big name starting pitcher? That is all I am asking for, really! Another big bat in the line up would be nice too, but the main thing is the pitching - we don't have experience! I like the young guns, but the Tigers are just one solid veteran away from making a push. Give us that and there may be talks of the wild card next season, so see what you can do.

The Lions - well, they need a QB Santa, let's be honest with each other here! I don't like Joey, I don't trust Joey, but I could learn to if I knew he had someone to actually push him next season! Mike McMahon ain't exactly a push, he is more like a gentle breeze that makes you go "Did you feel that?". So, bring me a Kitna, bring me a Garcia, bring me a Warner, just bring me a veteran that we know has the ability to win, and maybe, just maybe, that will push Joey to always do his best, not just every five games or so! Plus, make sure the Lions use that first round pick on a safety, ours are terrible and they need some help back there for sure!

The Pistons - not a lot to ask for here Santa, this will be easy! Can you just help them get over there "fat and happy" syndrome so they can start playing quality ball again? That is all, they should still win the east, they just need to get their heads out of their asses! Sorry Santa, didn't mean to curse at you, it is just the Pistons get me so upset!

The Wings - well, just get them a salary cap so all these greedy players will stop whining! Either that or give us some replacement players because I think it would be neat if the union got broken. That would actually make me laugh, I hate whinny overpaid people - let's do that! Forget the cap, bring me some replacement players!

The Wolverines - just let them win the Rose Bowl this year and embarrass Texas, an overrated school that has no right being there! It should have been Cal, so help the Wolverines stomp them and show them why they really shouldn't be all that excited about playing in a Rose Bowl, it is a place for non-fraudulent schools! Texas, what the heck is that? Just put Texas out of their misery quickly so it doesn't hurt too bad! Can you do that Santa, can you?

The Spartans - well, rumor has it we have another major college program in Michigan, but I still haven't found it! Maybe you, with all your wisdom and power can help us, what do you think? I doubt you are even that powerful, but it was worth a shot!

Oh, and before I go - send some hate mail, or I guess coal will do, to all my enemies - Phil Jackson, Kobe, anyone associated with Ohio State, John Saunders, The Indiana Pacers, Terrell Owens, A-Rod, NBC for canceling "Ed", and Rudolph - he shit on my roof last year! That is good enough for now, but look for a note by my stocking in case I think of more!

Take care Santa and help make my wishes come true - the sports dude!

TO ALL - Have a safe & merry Christmas, I hope you all get what you want and deserve! I know I will, except from the mother in-law, but that is what gift receipts are for right!?!? God speed, god bless and happy merry - see you next week - the sports dude!

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