Luke Waltons Forehead presented by the Sports Dude.

Thursday, March 16, 2006 at 10:43 AM

Dear Joey.....

Dear Joey –

I just wanted to send this letter and let you know that I feel your pain and to let you know that you are not alone. I know what you are going through, as a fellow athlete, and just wanted to let you know that there is someone else out there that feels the same things inside as you… the hurt, the anger, the betrayal, the emptiness. All of those things are natural Joey, there is nothing wrong with feeling that way, I myself experienced the same emotional highs and lows as you and I just wanted to make sure you know that I am here for you if you need me in this dire hour you now face.

See, I came to Detroit with the same expectations, the same feelings of joy and warmth filled me as it once filled you. I know what it is like to be a high draft pick, to come to a team that looks at you as “the cornerstone of the future” and to be the darling of the media and fans for awhile. When I first got here people were screaming my praises, saying that I would be the next “great one” for my franchise as well, but things didn’t stay the same for long. Yes, everyone knew that I was going to be a project, just like you, but I kept hearing big words like “upside” and “potential” and just played along, much like you I am sure. Forget about the fact that my English was not that good, again much like you, forget the fact that those words seemed big to me, again just like you, everyone said it was going to be okay, that my time would come, just be patient. Eventually, they all said, those big scary words would come true, I would play up to my “potential” and my “upside” would be seen by all, I am still not sure that those words mean much to me, but I just wanted to play. See, I know you are confused right now, just like I was for some time, but the bottom line is I never stopped believing in myself, I knew I could be a valuable asset to some team in my league, just like I am sure you feel that you could be a valuable asset to some team in the NFL. I just wanted to let you know that the most important thing is you can never stop believing in yourself, even if everyone around you (from teammates to fans to management) stops believing just never quit on yourself.

Joey, I know it is tough right now, I have watched you play and I know it was other peoples fault. People will say you are just being a baby, a little whiny bitch, but sometimes those things you complain about are true. Forget about the time you blamed the wind on your inability to throw a pass that didn’t hit the turf, maybe it was windy that day. I don’t know, I wasn’t there, I was to busy pouting myself. Forget about the fact that you constantly throw behind your receivers, or to far in front of them, or even over their heads, just tell yourself they are too slow or too fast. See Joey, the key is to keep doing what you have been doing… remember, it is never YOUR fault but always someone else’s. Forget about the fact that people say you throw like a girl, or that you look like you want to shit your pants in the pocket sometimes, tell them things like “girls can throw to” or blame it on the bad Mexican you ate the night before the game, again remember it is not your fault. Forget about the fact that everyone questions your accuracy; again just say that your receivers aren’t athletic enough to catch passes that are out of their reach. Also, don’t forget all the drops they had when you did, on rare occasion, actually hit them in the numbers or the hands, many will say the receivers were actually shocked you hit them there and that is why they dropped it! Screw that man, just tell them it was because you have a cannon for an arm and the divas couldn’t handle the laser! See, now that sounds cool man!

I would just like to close by saying that there is nothing wrong with asking for a fresh start and a bus ticket out of town, I did it and it worked wonders for me! I mean, I may still be riding the pine, but at least I play every game in garbage minutes as opposed to once a month garbage time, but the weather down here is so much better. Just one word of advice, if you go to a sunny city, pack some sun screen… I learned that one the hard way! I also hope they trade you for more than they did me, all I got for my old team is an injured expiring contract and a first round pick in the year 3000! Maybe they will get some towels for you or even a towel boy with the towels for that matter! Crap, maybe even a Gatorade bucket or some footballs and a beer vendor! I joke, I am sure they will get something for you in return; every team needs a back up QB on their roster right? Well, if you have any questions or just want to vent I will leave my cell phone number at the bottom of this letter in case you want to chat. I hope you use it, I think if we talk through this we may be able to help each other out in this difficult time in our careers. I hope to hear from you and I will close by saying that at least you didn’t have to play for Larry Brown… that man made me cry at least twice a week! What a doo-doo head he was! Well, good luck and hope to hear from you soon!

Sincerely,

Darko
1-321-555-BUST (my cell #, as promised!)

P.S. – tell Charles to give me a call, he may need this advice as well!

Blogger Leelanau Sports Guy said...

Very Funny!  

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Blogger Ian C. said...

That's really nice of Darko! Who said he was a punk?

I wonder if he has any hair care tips for Joey? The buzz cut seems to be working really well for Darko these days.  

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