Luke Waltons Forehead presented by the Sports Dude.

Dear Pistons –

Hey there guys, the sports dude here, and I know that not a single one of you have any idea who I am, where I came from or how I got this letter through to you, but I did and there is a very important message in it for you. Do you all want to know what it is? Well, even if you don’t I am going to give it to you and it goes a little something like this; shut the hell up, wake the freak up and play some damn ball. The mind games are not working on the Cavs; do you think they really care if you think you are better than them? Tell you what, right now, they are better than you and that should be embarrassing enough to wake you up. Right now the Cavs are playing loose and you guys are playing scared and that is about all you need to know. Seriously guys please just shut up, give the Cavs the respect they have most definitely earned and just go play ball. Now here are some personalized messages for each of you guys:

Chauncey – so you felt like you got snubbed finishing fifth in the MVP vote hey? Well, no offense there fellow, but that fifth place finish seems a little generous right now if you ask me. All I have to say is you are being out played by Eric Snow and Damon Jones and I think I will leave the place where you are going to hide your head up to you.

Rip – what the hell was that junk at the end of game #5? Wait, I take that back, what the hell has been your deal late in the games lately? You have been missing lay ups, jumpers and even free throws and that is not something we are accustomed to seeing from you. Don’t ever throw up weak crap like that at the end of the game again; remember the Boston game early in the season where was that shot?

Rasheed – all I have is three simple things to say to you and they are Sideshow Bob, Drew (NOT)Gooden and some guy with a Russian name that I can not pronounce let alone spell. Do you know why I bring them up? Simple and it is because all three of them are out playing you in this series and that is another embarrassing thing that I never thought I would type. In fact I might even throw Donyell Marshall in there and say he is doing more than you as well. Rasheed, come on, even on one leg you should own these guys, we all know it, and that is the only guaran-sheed I want to even think about again. Shut up, put your ass down on the block and score some down low. Also go look at some Laimbeer and Mahorn game tapes because it wouldn’t hurt to start putting some guys on their asses when they get in the paint. Not to hurt them, we are not dirty players, but just to remind them this is not the Washington Wizards and it is not a walk in the park.

Tayshaun – look, of all the guys out there maybe the only thing I can say to you is start asking for the ball more, open your mouth and demand it. Force Lebron to play some more defense, you are a mismatch for everyone on that team. Oh, one last thing, I would like to say you have played pretty good defense so far as well.

Ben – look dude, I don’t know where you have been but I hope you don’t have that max contract on your mind because it ain’t going to happen, you aren’t a max guy. Right now I have for you a 3 year $30 million contract with a club option for a fourth but that is where I draw the line. If you are thinking contract that is a bad thing to do, just shut up, block shots, grab some boards and help Rasheed start putting some of these guys on their asses when they drive the lane.

Flip – look, don’t forget that you picked up Delk for a reason, Delfino is better than Evans so use him, if McDyess is your so called “sixth starter” than use him like one and damn it come up with some better plays out of the time outs, what you have come up with so far has been rather lame to tell you the truth. Lastly I know you like to be the loose and player friendly coach, basically the anti LB but I think you might want to tighten the reigns here a little bit. I am not saying smother them but rather just put your foot down a little bit more than you have been. The turnovers and the arrogance need to stop and the coach has got to drop the hammer on that stuff, which is all on you.

That is it guys, thanks for your time and I just want you to know I am not ready to see you guys fishing with Ernie Johnson, Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith so you better come out tonight and play Pistons basketball because so far all I have seen is the JV crap that you guys always complain about.

Later – the desperate and wishful sports dude.