Luke Waltons Forehead presented by the Sports Dude.

Thursday, March 10, 2005 at 2:38 PM

Congress is trippin' on the juice!

All right, let me get this straight. The last time I checked, we were still fighting in Iraq, right? We still have people without health care, people dying in the streets, drug problems, crime, guns, and violence. We have a country that is dire need of social security reform, the national debt is at an all time high, the economy is moving along slowly at best and the last time I checked Osama was still out there somewhere. Am I forgetting anything major there? Please, if I am then help me out, I am begging. What is that you say? I forgot something major? Oh yeah, steroids in baseball – better call Congress. Let’s get the big boys of Congress together, forget the war, and forget the kids in schools who don’t have books, let’s talk about a serious issue up there on Capitol Hill – steroids in baseball. That’s right folks, we the people, we the very officials that you voted in, the very people that don’t vote on anything unless it involves a pay increase for ourselves, are forgetting all the other issues that are plaguing society in favor of the MLB steroid issue. Quite frankly, it sickens me to the point where I don’t even want to go on, but I will.

First we will start with a small link to an article provided by ESPN talking about the players that were subpoenaed to go before Congress. We have a perennial All-Star line up folks here with Giambi, McGwire, Sosa, Thomas, Palmerio, and Canseco. Noticeably missing is Mr. Barry Bonds, but maybe Congress figures he will only plead the fifth or flip out on them anyway. The point is this – what the hell is the point of all this? Can’t Congress find something better to talk about, can’t they find some other issue to convene over and get involved with? Personally I would rather them find ways for all the kids to read and write in this nation, for them to find a way for me to stop paying into social security and investing it somewhere “real” instead of trying to figure out who is and who isn’t on the juice. Furthermore, what if all these guys plead the fifth, they have that right you know? There is no evidence that any of them did or didn’t because there is no test to prove it. I can’t imagine that Mark McGwire is going to get in front of Congress and just snap, saying that yes, Canseco did put a needle in my ass! We all know Giambi did it, we all know that at least McGwire was taking a human growth hormone (which was legal at the time), what else is there to say? There really is no good, or bad for that matter, that will come out of this. The real truth is not in Canseco’s book, but in each one of these guys and I truly doubt that Congress is going to find out anything of real significance anyway.

Let me bring up that damn book real quick, if you all don’t mind. For all the controversy the damn thing has caused has it really been worth it? Seriously, how many of you really believe that the damn thing is 100% true? There is no way in hell I do, and I hope the majority of people out there feel the same. Do I think that there are steroids in baseball? The answer to that is yes, I think they are there. Do I think they are around every corner, in every locker like a bunch of Flintstone vitamins like Canseco claims? Hell no, that is about as polite an answer as I can type. I think Canseco is simply a demented, twisted, flat out broke money seeking whore who just needed to get some cash. I think there may be some truth to his book, like where he says he uses steroids and where he says there are steroids in baseball, but the damn thing is easily 95% “holly wooded” up to make him some cash. Period, point blank, end of god damn story. Seriously, he has said in interviews that he feels steroids not only are good for your health but can make you live longer. And you all are going to believe a book from this guy? Give me a break; I think he has been putting the needles in his skull and not his butt, dumb ass.

Lastly, here is my opinion on steroids in baseball – who the fuck cares!!!! If these guys want to be dumb enough to juice themselves up, take some years off their lives, etc. just to make millions and hit the long ball, I say let them! What the fuck do I care for? See, now I have gone and gotten all riled up, and for what? Because Congress is stupid, Canseco has got needles on the brain (literally!) and I haven’t eaten yet today so I am cranky. Let me pose this question to you and then we will leave it at that. Let’s say you are a middle of the pack baseball player, decent numbers with a lot of potential but you just aren’t there yet. Now, some guy comes up to you and offers you a pill and tells you to take it. Then, for the next five years you continue to take it and work out like a machine. All you are going to do, maybe, is take a couple years off the end of your life – you know, the “good” years where we are all losing our minds and pissing our pants again! But that is not even a guarantee; there may be no long term effects. But take this pill for the next five years, get a multi-million dollar contract and then stop – you will be set for life. Basically, five years of juice for a lifetime of wealth – what are you going to do? Me personally (and being honest here) am not too sure what I would do, it would be a tough call.

My whole thing on steroids is this – the government, my god damn elected government, has more important things they should be doing than this. I listed the ones I could think of above, I am not doing it again. Leave the steroid issue to the commissioner and stay out of it. You don’t see Bud Selig walking up to the White House going “You know here is what I think we should do about Osama…” He knows where he belongs and the government should know there are bigger fish out there to fry, bigger things to concern themselves with then the size of Barry Bonds head and Canseco sticking needles in McGuire’s’ ass. Later – the sports dude.

P.S. - a moment here to self promote me, a little shameless plugging if you will. Today marked a milestone for the sports dude, visitor #3000. I guess that means I am up for an oil change or something, huh? Thanks for helping me keep this up everyone and allowing me to enjoy it and not get bored. Much appreciated and I look forward to the next 3,ooo! Adios!!!!

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