Luke Waltons Forehead presented by the Sports Dude.

Friday, September 09, 2005 at 11:04 AM

Weekend Warrior.

It's that time again folks, some more laugh out loud "funnery" and more wacky predictions from the one, the only, the weird ass Weekend Warrior! New feature this week, I have added my pro pick at the end, in honor of our favorite junior varsity team, the Detroit Lions.

Notre Dame at U of M

Having realized that U of M has no way to stop anything that has two legs and the ability to run, Lloyd Carr promptly reminds Irish Coach Charlie Weis that the only reason he has that job and the three Super Bowl rings is because of a QB that he helped develop in college. Weis agrees to let up a little, but not until he blinds everyone in the Big House with the reflection of the three “blings” he is wearing on his fingers.

U-M 42, Notre Dame 38

Temple at Wisconsin

After running rabid on MAC powerhouse Bowling Green, things don’t get any easier on the “Barry Alvarez Powder Puff Retirement Schedule”, with another perennial BCS contender like Temple coming to town. Alvarez decides at halftime he has seen enough, so he retreats to the press box to start breaking in his rocking chair for next season.

Wisconsin 51, Temple 9

Akron at Purdue

Purdue, after bribing the Big Ten into giving them one of the easiest schedules of all time (please see no U of M, no Ohio State), replaces one powerful Ohio team (said Buckeyes) with another powerful Ohio team (said Zips – seriously, their team name is the Zips? Come on!!!!). Later in the year they did a similar thing, replacing one powerful Michigan team (said Wolverines) with a weaker Michigan team (please see Lansing and Spartans for more information).

Purdue 41, Akron 13

Iowa at Iowa State

This one is actually a pretty good match up, at least in my opinion. That being said, I think I may turn off the jokes for a second here and just let it be. Interstate rivalries or rivalry games in general, are always a tight thing to call. Good game, to say the least, but I will stick with the Big Ten team here.

Iowa 27, Iowa State 21

Hawaii at Michigan State University


The Battle of the Video Tape!!!! The loser has decided to give the victor an all expense one year subscription an online video rental company of its choice. Two spread offenses, two terrible defenses equal one hell of a shoot out. But, unfortunately for all you Spartan fans out there, something will happen this week you are all too familiar with – they will fall asleep! Looking ahead to next week, yet again, the Spartans are all ready thinking about the Leprechaun instead of worrying about the Rainbow this week that the little green man is sitting under.

Hawaii 56, MSU 42

South Carolina at Georgia


Seriously, I am going to be a junior high kid here for a second, because I could have fun with this all year and, quite frankly, for years to come! The biggest cock in college sports, one Steve Spurrier, is the head coach of the Cocks (Gamecocks that is, but close enough). I still am waiting to see Spurrier on the sidelines sporting one of those “Cock” baseball caps on his head.

Georgia 38, South Carolina 24

The Citadel at Florida State University


Well, what the heck do you expect, these are after all Florida schools and they always play the toughest schedules in the nation, do they not? After barely getting by Miami last week, the Seminoles decide to take it easy with the Football Forces from The Citadel. Bobby Bowden awakens from him coma long enough to see the route completed.

FSU 63, The Citadel 10

Texas at Ohio State University


Crap, this is actually a really damn good game folks, let me tell you something! The Sweater Vest himself against Mack Brown. Two storied programs, both ranked in the top five, meeting this early in the season with National Championship implications. I have to admit, as a Wolverine fan, I am mixed about this game because we need both teams to lose at least one game. That being said, Texas always seems to choke up against Oklahoma, so their loss will come later in the year. Sorry Buckeyes, but I hate you more!

Texas 31, OSU 27

And finally, the long awaited feature that I am most proud of and I am sure you are anticipating, the:

“MOM DO I REALLY HAVE TO WATCH THIS GAME” – GAME OF THE WEEK:

Cincinnati at Penn State

Joe Pa, showing signs of his old age and growing senile ways, shows up to the game in his slippers and pajamas. While on the sidelines he suddenly decides to lie down on a bench and proceeds to take a nap. Concerned that the coach has actually passed on, the game is delayed for more than an hour while EMS tries to awaken him. After being roused and refusing further medical attention, the coach angrily states that just because his football program has died doesn’t mean he has as well, the first sane thing he has said in five years.

Penn State 9, Cincy 6

PRO PICK:

Of course, you know I can not ignore the junior varsity team in town, our one and only Detroit Lions and their season opener at Ford Field against the Green Bay Packers. Brett Favre shows his age, but still looks better than Joey anyway! Kevin Jones helps save the offense with an impressive game on the ground, Charles Rogers catches a TD pass and keeps his collar bones in one piece, and the defense does just enough to not lose the game.

Detroit 27, Green Bay 24

I will be down at the Big House this weekend, tail gating, drinking, having fun and drinking some more! As always folks, be responsible, I want to make sure all three of my readers, including myself, return next week. Go Blue and see you next week my hearties, good bye and god speed! The sports dude.

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Always picking on my Spartans! We might have to figure out some kind of fun bet for the Maize & Blue's trek to East Lansing!  

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Blogger Mark said...

Wow, you almost got the FSU - Citadel score perfectly...good job.  

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