Luke Waltons Forehead presented by the Sports Dude.

Friday, September 02, 2005 at 2:22 PM

Weekend Warrior Returns.

That's right, the sports dude's back in full effect my friends, and the "Weekend Warrior" is ready to take aim at football. Here I will give my own (un)educated picks on some key college games, from the Big Ten and abroad, to yes, even our own lowly Lions. So sit back, relax and enjoy the picks and my attempt at (as always) some really bad humor.

Northern Illinois at Michigan.

Freshman no longer, Chad Henne and Michael Hart will try to survive the ghost of the sophomore slump and continue to build on their impressive freshman campaign. Alas, as always is the case at U of M, the Wolverines will look sluggish at times in the season opener, letting Northern Illinois stick around longer than they should. Also, the Wolverines will realize that Northern Illinois QB not only has an arm, but legs as well, resulting in total and wide spread panic for the U of M defense. The Wolverines will prevail, but will not blow the Huskies out of the water, prompting many to again call for Lloyd Carrs' head, as well as that of Jim Herrmanns', on a maize and blue platter. The end result will be U of M, despite the victory, dropping a few places in next week polls because they did not "run up the score" on the smaller opposing team.

U of M wins; 33-21

Kent State at Michigan State University.

With past failures such as Rutgers and Central Michigan University still fresh on their minds, this year MSU turns to Kent State to hopefully get a victory against a MAC team. That and the NCAA wouldn't allow them to play any local community colleges in fear of seeing the first ever Division One team lose to a Division Two (or lower!) team. That being said, the Spartans will again start off the season slow, with their combination of hold over talent no other school wanted and junior college transfers, but in the end the Spartans should squeak out a victory. That is, as long as John L. Smith puts Drew Stanton in his defensive secondary because he is the only athlete the Spartans truly have!

MSU survives; 27-24

Bowling Green at Wisconsin

It is the beginning of the end for Barry Alvarez as head coach at Wisconsin, and the guru of the powder puff schedule doesn't disappoint! Wisconsin again loaded up their non-conference schedule with the likes of Bowling Green, the ever dangerous Temple and the power house that is North Carolina. (Wait, that school has something besides a basketball program?) Not too let their coach down and spoil his last season opener, the Badgers again overwhelm an over matched opponent, because we all know the choking Badgers don't lose games until they get real in the Big Ten.

Wisconsin wins; 31-13

Miami (Ohio) at Ohio State University

Well, not to be over looked in this mess is the fact that the great sweater vest himself, Jim Tressel, has suspended his star QB Troy Smith for the season opener. Too bad, I mean, how are they going to beat the Hurricanes without him? What is that you say? Oh, the parenthesis there, I see... It is Miami (Ohio), not Miami of Florida. Well, even without their QB, the sweater vest should have it easy in this one.

Ohio State wins; 27-10

USC at Hawaii

As a parting gift to senior star QB Matt Leinart, the Trojans decided to open up on the road in his final season in Hawaii. That way, come half time when USC is up by 30 points, Leinart can leave the stadium, head to a local beach and enjoy a pig roast at the first luau he sees. That way it is just like his senior year back on campus at USC, where the "Golden Boy of College Football" is challenging himself with a class in ballroom dancing. Man, what a tough life, huh?

USC doesn't break a sweat; 48-13

Notre Dame at Pittsburgh

The Charlie Weis era in South Bend begins with him asking one simple question, "Why in the hell did I leave leave New England for this crap again?" We don't know either Charlie, we don't know. But, if it makes you feel any better, I have a feeling your buddy in the NFL, one Romeo Crennel, ain't going to have it much easier this year either.

Pittsburgh wins; 23-16

And finally, the feature that I am most proud to introduce in my weekly "Weekend Warrior" post is the:

"MOM DO I REALLY HAVE TO WATCH THIS GAME" - GAME OF THE WEEK:

Rutgers at Illinois

Look, the fact that these two schools are playing football is funny enough, I really can't think of any jokes to beat it.

Illinois wins; 5-3

That is all I got for now, enjoy this wonderful weekend in sports! Damn, I love football season! Later, godspeed, god bless and tail gate responsibly - the sports dude.

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